peaceful_angel

Thu, 06 Apr 2006 02:45:40 GMT

I just took a quiz at http://www.beliefnet.com/story/76/story_7665_1.html

Haha look catholism the way i was raised is all the way at the bottom. My grandma wanted me to go to church during easter but she never said what kind. Do you think she'd be mad if a i went to a unitarian universalist church, after all it does encompass all faiths...

1. Neo-Pagan (100%)
2. New Age (96%)
3. Unitarian Universalism (96%)
4. Mahayana Buddhism (93%)
5. Liberal Quakers (91%)
6. Jainism (81%)
7. Hinduism (80%)
8. Reform Judaism (78%)
9. Theravada Buddhism (77%)
10. Sikhism (75%)
11. New Thought (72%)
12. Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants (71%)
13. Scientology (67%)
14. Taoism (67%)
15. Bah�'� Faith (62%)
16. Orthodox Quaker (57%)
17. Orthodox Judaism (52%)
18. Christian Science (Church of Christ, Scientist) (51%)
19. Secular Humanism (51%)
20. Islam (44%)
21. Seventh Day Adventist (30%)
22. Mainline to Conservative Christian/Protestant (27%)
23. Nontheist (27%)
24. Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons) (26%)
25. Jehovah's Witness (17%)
26. Eastern Orthodox (16%)
27. Roman Catholic (16%)

Fri, 10 Mar 2006 18:36:39 GMT

FUCKING SPRING BREAK BITCHES!!!!

I thought the world would love to know that for the 1st time in 2 months i have no homework!!!

Tue, 28 Feb 2006 07:51:28 GMT

Going vegan/vegitarian? what do you all think? it seems to be stuck in my mind but now i just need to learn how to cook. any comments are welcomed even the critizing ones.

Guidence... perhaps

Sun, 19 Feb 2006 19:09:21 GMT

Life Stuff

Peace
as we look into your eyes
we see your light
you flow with grace love and peace
Your heart has the peacefulness and calmness
My dear you don’t walk
you float
angels on each side and guiding you
when you look to the sky
we see your smile
Thank you dear child
as you are
Peace love and Joy
End

That is channeled from the angels to you, a poem
Now my readings are different
I don’t know who comes thru
but like the poems
you will have messages
they speak to you
I don’t know what comes thru
I just give messages
they are very angelic
so here we go

welcome my daughter of light
i feel you
you feel a bit spinning
you need to ground
you are walking around and feel confused
what way to go is major question of you
you have many path you can chose from
do you see them
we give you sign when you ask
some are quiet ones
look at road sign
they can be answers
trust
billboards have messages
they are hidden
chills
signs are all over
spend time in some nature
you love nature
breath fresh air
don’t be in such a rush
you miss a lot when you hurry
give yourself extra time
to go from one place to another
and see the beauty
you feel not right in your skin
shed it
lose what does not belong
and bring in the new
it is time for that
just allow
we have told many to think with there hearts
as you need to
chills
outcast you may feel
but your heart will feel at peace
that is walking in the light and being true to you
you many feel that you are sitting in a corner
by self
but in fact you are watching
how you are being treating and not liking it
and you will say there goes another one
does this make sense my child
yes
this is part of the process
you will feel confused
give it to God
he will take that away
and you will walk in Peace
know you feelings are always right
you are not to be told different
You are a gift
that is how we see you
a special gift
God is please with you
know that
as is Michael
they ask you work on love
and walk in love
and spread love
where you go
you have peace
and to combined all three
love joy and peace
divineness
chills
you are almost there they say
oh you are blessed
in many ways
walk and float with that
call on them when you need them
they are with you
always
so be it

are you ok
yes i am
is it what you expected
I didn't know what to expect. but it was reassuring
I feel a shock in your voice
quietness
that is why I ask if your ok
I still feel indecision in all I do
I have felt that way for a while
and now
I feel ok
tell me
your life
in what you are doing now
you don’t want to do it
correct. i feel like I’m going in circles
I felt you don’t want to study the work you are doing
I felt that a long time ago
your heart is not in it
i don't know where it should be either
it is spiritual work
you can take your degree
and work spiritually with it
you know that
you can go places with it
yes, I just ask how. perhaps i question too much
you just don’t see it
it is a stepping stone for you
you will come across many people
you will do healing work
but herbal
in the diet
will be big
reiki
in time
you will provide services
does that help
yes. thanks
your love is healing
however in the mean time, how do i just find a way to accept school and not dislike it so much
do feel that
yes
ok
take your hands
put them close together
but don’t touch them
inches apart
Ok
do you feel the energy between your hands
yes
that is reiki
now everyone has this
some don’t know
and pay for it
I want you to soul search
on what makes you happy
and fill your heart
know that school is for spirit
and you
to help many
spirit put you there
but do a class you like out side of school
massage
something small
that you like
if you can
read on charkas
what they do
bring spirit into your classes
is what i am saying
make sense
yes
that is walking with spirit
letting them guide
trust spirit
To grow you have to move
but with one change
it is a domino effect
when a door closes many open
and that is universe helping out
love comes from the heart
ego comes from the mind

aLL These fEELINGS Inside

Sun, 12 Feb 2006 09:19:32 GMT

I can’t deal with this shit, I’m just so pissy. All night nothing but cranky and it doesn’t help the neighbors are still throwing a fucking party with their music blaring. I had coffee for dinner but all its doing is keeping me up I only had to wait like 5 minutes for it through the drive through. And then I had a sub from Quiznos and I think its chemical laden meat messed with my hormones cause I’m just impossible to deal with myself right now. And there’s no one to talk to and nothing to do. When I think about it, its true I have friends I could do stuff with but I’m so introverted that I rarely call them up. Besides all they wanna do is go to the bar, and that’s not cool cause when I’m pissy. Peer pressure/ stress whatever the reason. So I was in class all day and normally I wouldn’t mind it at all because the professor is really cool and tells you all these life lessons like its harder to judge yourself then to judge others. But the thing that bugs me is I Haven’t had a day off from work or school in one month, and guaranteed I took off this week but I still had class. I just want a whole day to sit here and not think. I think the big problems tonight was me trying to force myself to do homework. Although I more so cried,,, I can’t do it, I can’t do it, you know why??? Because I won’t have another fucking day off for 3 weeks. That means no days off what so ever for 7 weeks. That’s just not healthy, and I would love to skip a full day of classes, to give me, ME time. Its not because I’m lazy either but give me a break yo. So tonight I was upset and I figured why not watch a movie, so I watched Pirates of the Caribbean and it made me ever so happy, but then it made me more awake cause I love it so much all the sword fighting and piratey-ness. Did I say it's 3 am with the music blaring two apartments down, why has no one called the fucking cops for real. But I was so excited by Pirates of the Caribbean that I wanted to watch another movie, but nor me or my roommates had any ones that matched the action packed ness of Pirates… I can’t wait till the sequel comes out in June is it? Oh and by the way I am so fucking starving. Then I watched 8-mile which was ever so boring because it had no sword fights or romance. And yet I am still so whiny, criticizing myself again like I shouldn’t. I wonder why we fear letting people see us cry, is it because what society dictates or is it just cause it’s a habit. It becomes more and more apparent to me everyday that I can no longer hide from the truth, the problem however is me not being able to let that go to open up. Yes I want instantaneous results, that’s a habit too, but with everything being so busy I notice all the bad things more. I really did ask for balance in my life, however I don’t see how you call working and going to school nonstop balance. Like staying up till god knows when on a Saturday night is not balance if I need to be sitting in class tomorrow for 8 hours… god it makes my ass hurt so so freaking bad, not cool. I’m gonna be so dead tomorrow night I won’t be able to study for my stupid microbiology test Monday. Of course it fucking figures that with my weekend class this upcoming week I have 3 tests and 2 presentations due, and I only work 12 hours and I’m going insane NOW?!!! I know that I should just take one step at a time instead of looking at the whole but I don’t like details even though they are necessary. I like bigger, better, now… sounds so Human so American. Then that gets me to the point of yes we are human, having a human experience so why can’t we occasionally think and act human? I dunno everything just seems to be floating in a spear of chaos, or its just the thought bubble of worry I surround myself with. Yes. Wow that’s a whole lotta typing and it clears my mind and now I’m actually kinda sleepy but not ready yet.
These are the things I wish
I wish I could talk more with Amber and Kristine since I thought I told the whole world about me graduating in December but they first found out this week, and Amber who is spazing out as much as me never even heard me mention Derek. Such a crazy week it has been, moved so slow initially now feeling crammed for time.
I wish I could relax/forget/ just be. have a day for me of course a massage would be nice
I wish I wasn’t so timid around Derek and that I was 10 times more open with him( not having the retaining wall still built) and actually that’s true with everyone
I wish I could cry sincerely in front of someone to let them see at my lowest/weakest moment.
I wish I got out more besides going to work and school, that goes back to being more extroverted
I really wish I could spell better so I don’t seem so young/inexperienced/ stupid..
I want to be more confident
I don’t want to be broke but I also don’t want to burn myself out from working too much,

Perhaps I just need to define what I mean by balance. Who knows.

Fri, 10 Feb 2006 19:18:15 GMT

So i didn't win a new phone, kinda disapointing but alls well. It actually sounds like my parents might be willing to buy me a new phone which would be FUCKING AWESOME, and then i could really get the one i want. Just gonna do a quick update since i need to meet my group at the library. oh yippy and then i get to go to my weekend class icky. But i will survive, thats about all, when i was visiting this site i typed in licejournal... now thats freaky weird disturbing.

ME

Wed, 08 Feb 2006 18:26:31 GMT

So you know where you have those conversations where you can’t stop thinking about what the other person said. Leaving all these thoughts of hate and dread in you head. Unable to forgive and unable to forget, finding out it’s really yourself that you can’t forgive. Can’t learn to love or accept. I think I found out my greatest fear, and its myself. Ashamed of my faults, that I’m not good enough, of this and that and more nonsense. I don’t like being left venerable, letting someone see through me. I wanna hide myself pretend like the bad shit I’ve done never happened, but it has. Always trying to hide the truth, avoiding responsibility, lying, countless others. I just can’t stop thinking and all I want to do is cry, but you can’t hide the truth no matter how hard you try.

Mon, 23 Jan 2006 16:33:31 GMT

You know what i just realized. I have a lab of some sort every single day of the week, that means i can't wear pretty skirts and sandals ever... :( how sad. In other news our internet is so broken and all of our neighbors internets are so not working either. So yet again, i will be absent from messenger, sigh oh well what can you do. People should just call me... ok. class soon. ickkkkkkkkkkk

Fri, 20 Jan 2006 08:40:31 GMT

All i have to say is FUCK YOU STOUT for having your spring break the week before both point and milwaukee. I really really wanna go someone warm and sunny for spring break since it will be my last one and i haven't gone on vacation in forever. 3 of my friends went to warm tropical places over winterm and it made me sad because i was always so fortunate that my parents took me on vacation someone warm every 2 or so years. The last time i went anywhere was in 2003 our graduation trip to mexico, it was so fun. I can't sleep and it sucks, i'm super worried/tense over i do not know what. My weekend class starts tomorrow maybe i'm dreading that along with school starting on monday already. Holy shit, at first i was excited to get back to classes but now it just went so fast. I need to learn to be careful what i ask for.

I hear the coke streets calling me!!!

Tue, 17 Jan 2006 16:20:29 GMT

Oh man the dreams the dreams, how interesting they be. My horoscope says to pay attention to my dreams this week because they will influence my year but omg that means some weird ass shit is going to go down. So i'm not one to dream of coke heads or being a murder but the past two nights this is what i have experienced. Sunday night i was listening to Cold Streets by MXPX and i know that the words are cold streets but i keep hearing coke streets, like that makes any sence but neither does rolling rolling rolling MONKIES! haha ah. So maybe thats where the dream theme came from? Anyway so in my dreams my mom drags me to church for xmas but church is at my grandmas house in belgium, while i leave to go for a walk and she comes after me in some big black suv type thing and does a U turn in the middle of the road where a cop sees and then turns on his lights, i get in the car and instead of my mom pulling over we keep driving all of the sudden we look in the middle of the road someone just ran over a cop and on the side of the street there are all these drug dealers and coke addicts and so we walk along the street to see their table upon table of drug stuff. wtf right. Now last night it was just me and i think jenny we are at some swimming pool and there is a contest going on but we want to get good seats for the water/ballet dancing competition. I actually don't remember but it reminded me of water gymnastics whatever it was. So then it somehow morphs into a whole like tv episode drama gun chase thing, i end up shooting someone in the head thinking that i was siding with the good guys and saving them but it was really the bad guys who then came after me so i was left trying to survive while this guy is trying to talk me out of shoting him so he can shoot me. he tells me that i can't call 911 since the cops won't come becuase too many prank calls had been made from the location, so right before i wake up i get shot in the right lung and am running down some stairs and then toss over in my bed and wake up. Its really quite cool that i'm starting to sense right before my alarm clock is going to go off, its a cool trick i'm learnign being sensitive to air waves/time, i have no clue. I got my laptop screen yesterday and they are putting it in today, they say it'll take an hour to change it, i think they are just trying to milk me for my money. My roomates piss me off, its so frustrating that i can't let go of my anger towards them. But its ok to feel, you have to feel the bad to feel the good, its all about contrast. Maybe i just need to voice myself. That reminds me i need to get out of the boring habit of working then going to sit at my house. Its funny how i can stare at the computer and do nothing yet its impossible for me to stare at the wall and do nothing, oh well. Well thats all she wrote in this chapter... till next adventure. love ya!!!

Thu, 12 Jan 2006 16:46:57 GMT

Oh my fucking god its only 10:30 am. i have been up since 11am yesterday, it is going to be such a long long day. I finally got my computer situation all figured out and my new laptop screen should be in the mail today hoping the 260 buck merchandise works other wise i'm gonna cry and throw things. Although it seems nothing much interests me online lately, but it would be nice if i could check my email or websites whenever i want instead of walking to the libabry and only going during its hours of operation plus Derek is only online at night. Although walking is good for me cause i am super lazy, ~Damn it i so want a man to cuddle and i'm too impatient to wait till febuarary for this man to manifest into my life.~ so what did i decide to do at 7am in the morning? Go swimming what else after staying up all night. I'm trying to force myself to work out more and as of right now swimming and walking are about the only things i enjoy doing and of course dancing and singing in front of my mirror. What the hell is at the base of your ribs, your lungs? cause they sure hurted when i was swimming, so yeah i took anatamy but i took the stupid "course" which means I didn't learn a damned thing. you can tell when my brain is not with it because thats when i skip from subject to subject. Like now i just wanna talk with someone. I knew the life guard at the pool so i talked to her for like 45 minuts it was nice since i haven't had a convo with a friend for a long time. Anyway i keep seeing someone visit me, could it be my new man. wahaha I love the year of manifestation already! Bring on 2006....

Stolen from an email...

Wed, 11 Jan 2006 18:44:49 GMT

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person.
When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need
you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty,to provide you with
guidance and support,to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.

They may seem like a godsend and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.
Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,
this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die.
Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire
fulfilled, their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move
on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn
has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.

They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it, it is real. But only for a season.
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must
build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.

Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you
have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.
Thank you for being a part of my life, whether you were a reason, a
season or a lifetime.

The joys of asparagus!

Fri, 06 Jan 2006 17:11:43 GMT

So here i am again updating because omg yesterday my first pscyic vision came true, it was so fucking exciting wahaha. So two nights ago i dremnt about asparagus sitting on a shelf in a refrigerator, how totally random right but yesterday i open our refrigerator and wam there it is. I was freaking out because i'm weird and it was cool. Yeah i've gotten thoughts before but never an image. Score for me. Makes me wanna scream and call amber, not really scream but talk to amber at least. My dream world has been so interesting lately, last night i was pregnant and i was about to have my baby but we were eating a big dinner at a sort of instituional place and the doctors made me sit there and even though i was in labor ignored me, so i asked to go to the bathroom and yeah i had the baby there but it looked more like a cat. Oh man i'm laughing while describing this cause its so random. Then after i was screaming the doctor came in and took the baby and instead of cutting the cord he just pulled until it snaped off. So then i bring out the baby to show everyone and a whole shitton of cats came and started attacking the baby. I bet your all wondering what drugs i'm on. Then in a nother dream i see myself shopping with a little boy which i assume is my child. In other random news, i've finally read the book Ryan got my for V-day last year. And let me tell you Taoists sure have an interesting veiw on sex.I like how the women have all the sexual control and that men should make sure we orgasim haha. Speaking of sex and Ryan, he is such a wise soul and doesn't realize it. He continually surprises me more and more all the time in good ways. Another thing i realized reciently, so i always knew that the media only shows you what they want you to see and stuff. While i was thinking of humanity and earth and shit like that and just because the good things about humans isn;t shown on the news or tv doesn't mean its not occuring. Just think of all the people that do things that never get noticed or those that hide from fame because they don';t want to make a big spectical out of themselves. Yeah well so you know how yesterday i said i couldn't be content, it was a lie, asparagus, haha.

LALA- Who are you?

Thu, 05 Jan 2006 16:26:53 GMT

So it’s been a long time since I’ve written in here and I really don't know why I am, since I have nothing to talk of. I guess the random this or that of shit, or maybe the blah god I’m so bored ha-ha. Or the stop being such a basket case and stop worrying about wither you'll take the right classes or if you'll find somewhere to live next year. January peaceful, yes but I can only handle so many days of peacefulness. I’d rather be in class, how pathetic is that, but I need to be careful what I wish for since it'll come true. I decided that next semester I’m only taking 15 credits plus a 2 weekend 3 credit courses instead of 21 total credits since then I can be available to work an extra day of the week. Wow you can sure see where my motives are; :( then again I’ve always been greedy. I'm having such major computer withdrawals but I know it’s only to get me to do something else besides stare at a screen day after day. Exercise is one of those things but as I read yesterday you can only force yourself to do things for so long. Yeah makes no sense, I make no sense. Its one of those days where nothing I do will make me content. I have to work 4-7 which is great because I dunno I hate people. I laugh at how I can make my mood sound so crappy! So I went out New Years Eve and it was incredibly lame and full of drama. It was Brookes 21st but Kerri kept making her take shots and her parents where there and yeah drama sucks. I only bought one drink and it was nasty but I had pizza at 2 am. My parents are coming up this weekend oh joy, hopefully I can hide the broken laptop in my room without them asking about it. That damn guy from eBay never emails me back to see if he got my check because some bustard people had to steal my mail and god only knows what they did with it. Ahhhhh the universe doesn't want me to have a computer and I’m not ready to give that up yet. Ha-ha you can't make me:-P but in all reality eventually I’ll have to give in and then things will work out. Just like I have yet to let go of many things but I’m not ready to go there yet, because it helps me learn patience with myself and knowing that all is as it should be. I miss Amber though although it feels as if were falling away from one another. Everyone has their own path they must follow and I'm slowly accepting the fact that people I love sometimes need to fall away/drift apart. That doesn't mean that our time together was wasted it just means that holding on causes more hurt than letting go, but the letting go in itself is a battle. Some people come and go easily; I guess the ones that have a lesser influence on our lives. It’s funny to think that the person I am now is not the same as the person I was in September and by this September who knows who I will be. Now I’m just going all theological on you all. I was told that I’d be a writer, and wealthy, and a healer and a singer. HAHA! Who knows. I guess I really have nothing else to say unless someone wants to listen.

Unteach yourself everything you've been told, thats the only way i know how to find the truth.

Mon, 12 Dec 2005 15:25:21 GMT

I can write again, it seems to flow. Everything old seems let go, a new beginning a whole new world. Where to go next that is a guess but everything no longer seems a mess. The world has given me the chance to do as I please without worrying about anyone but me.

Sat, 10 Dec 2005 17:32:47 GMT

Everything i do lately seems to be a turn in the wrong direction or a step backwards instead of forward. I feel lost and sad. I'm doing nothing but hurting people and letting them down, especially myself. I don't know how to handle situations that come up, i don't know how to cope, it seems every choice i make is the wrong one. It just seems that everything is smashing together at once and i just want to sit in the corner curl up and cry because my life is such a mess. Nothing is even that bad, yet its the same shit over and over, and i just never learn aand pretty soon it'll be too late and i won't have any friends. I keep apoligizing to everyone but it just seems like a bunch of bs now because i'm doing it so much.

"Broken this fragile thing now
And I can't, I can't pick up the pieces
And I've thrown my words all around
But I can't, I can't give you a reason

I feel so broken up
And I give up
I just want to tell you so you know

Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, there's just no one that gets me like you do
You are my only, my only one

Made my mistakes, let you down
And I can't, I can't hold on for too long
Ran my whole life in the ground
And I can't, I can't get up when you're gone

And something's breaking up
I feel like giving up
I won't walk out until you know..."

I'm sorry...

Tue, 06 Dec 2005 22:13:16 GMT

I feel like I must be the most horrible person ever because bad shit keeps happening to me. What did I do wrong, why do I deserve this, why am I treated this way. I just don't get it, I really don't. I feel so worthless and I just can't stop crying. I can't even describe it, the frustration turned to tears and the tears won't stop. This time I didn't do anything I am positive. I just don't know. Maybe this is for something greater I don't know, all I know is these worthless fees. Most all of me feeling worthless. the coincidence doesn't make sense. All because I never listened to myself, but how was I to know a year ago what todaay would bring. I’m suppose to go out tonight but I just wanna cry..... Sent my laptop in for repair due to hardware problem with the mouse pad I get it back like a month later to see I am charge with a water damage fee 1st time fee 50 bucks. Today I get a letter saying I had water damage on my loner which I KNOW I FUCKING KNOW I DID NOT DO ANYTHING TO, the first one too. 2nd time fee 100 dollars. 2 laptops within two months 150bucks for the same damage. Wtf it just makes me baul. I called the fee office but hung up on them. Left an angry voicemail to the person in charge of laptops. But it doesn’t make me feel better. I’ll give you fucking waterdamage, its caused by my tears falling on the keyboard……

Sun, 20 Nov 2005 02:29:44 GMT

How tall are you? 5' 5.5”

2. Have you ever smoked heroin? No but I had a dream that my dad and I did in a swimming pool???

3. Do you own a gun? NO

4. Rehab? Um kinda… messed up childhood

5. Would you "do" someone in their parents bed? Sure... the beds bigger

6. What do you think of hot dogs? I’ll eat them rarely but otherwise… ewwwwwww

7. What's your favorite Christmas song? The only fucking Christmas song I can tolerate. “All I want for Christmas is You” – Mariah Carey

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Water if I remember

9. Do you do pushups? Fuck no

10. Have you ever done ecstasy? No

11. Are you vegan? No, hard enough not to eat only organic stuff plus omg I love cheese, and soy is nasty…

12. Do you like painkillers? Nope, I don’t like man made drugs

13. What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex? Play hard to get, it drives them right away…

14. Do you own a knife? None other than in the kitchen

15. Do you have A.D.D.? What was the question again… haha

16. Do you love the pain a tattoo brings? No tattoos here

Top 5 Thoughts At This Exact Moment:
1) OMG I am in so much debt
2) I wish I could go home for the entire thanksgiving weekend.
3) I am so lazy
4) I wanna eat cause I’m bored
5) Letting go is hard

Name the Last 5 Things You Have Bought: (recently)
1. Dinner last night
2. Toilet paper
3. I’m on a limited budget, all other money goes to bills

Name Five Drinks You Drink Regularly:
1. Water
2. Coffee/cappichino/hot coco
3. juice- sometimes
4. soda- occasionally

17. What is in your CD player?
nothing, I haven’t listened to music in ages…

18. What Time Did You Wake Up Today?
noon baby

19. Current Hair? Shoulder length with long bangs and whispy

20. Current Worry? Money

21. Current Hate? My roommates for not cleaning the kitchen, my cell phone for being a royal piece of shit, my jobs, mercury in retrograde, internet, school laptop, family for bugging me to take off for holidays I’m stuck working and they bitch at me for not being able to get off when its against my control… maybe more. So much ANGER

22. Favorite Place To Be? The ocean

23. Least Favorite Place? Confinement of any kind

24. Where Would You Like To Go? Australia, India, Tahiti, Africa, South America like Costa Rica the rainforest especially, Spain, Mexico for like the 7th time, California, Canada, anywhere exotic.

25. What do you wear when you go to sleep? Pj pants and the top I wore during the day. I am not weird Amber just saving on laundry

26. What were you doing 12AM last night? I was talking online

27. What do you think you'll be doing in 10 years? Unknown to me at this time but hopefully doing something to change the world, be famous and well known

28. Do you burn or tan? Never burn cause I’m a sun block whore

29. Last thing you ate? Broccoli salad, cheese, and raspberry chocolate chip cookies

30. Would you be a pirate? If I could get booty haha, um actually Never

31. Last time you had an alcoholic drink? The last time I got drunk October 28th

32. What songs do you sing in the shower? Whatever is on my mind.

33. What did you fear was going to get you at night as a child? Death

34. What's in your pockets right now? Well nothing is ever in my pockets and my pj pants have none so what does that tell you?

35. What's on your bedroom walls? Curtains and on my closet door I have the work out schedule for fall semester and pretty pictures I made one night while I was bored.

36. Last thing that made you laugh? Kristine’s phone call

37. Best bed sheets you had as a child? I had flannel sheets with a farm theme, and then in summer I had butterflies. Hehe

38. Do you like your teeth? Eh, they are ok, kinda yellow though

39. Worst injury you've ever had? My cousin broke my toes once when he stood on them, otherwise none

40. What are your dreams like? Life dreams or sleeping dreams?

41. How many TV's do you have in your house? Beats me. 3 if not more

42. Who is your loudest friend? Wait? When did I get friends

48. Who is the silent friend? Me, I can be my own friend can’t i?

49. What song do you want played at your wedding? Angel of Mine

50. What song do you want played at your funeral? I don’t like thinking about death

51. Do you have an air freshner in your car? Yeah but only cause it was in my desk drawer forever

52. Do you have plants in your room? Yes some leafy thing and then my bamboo

53. Name of an actor or actress in the last porno you watched? No idea.

54. If you could drink anything right this second, what would it be? Ice cream

55. Does anything hurt on your body right now? My knees from sitting on them

56. What city was your last taxi cab ride in? I’ve never been in a taxi, but public transportation yes I have

57. If someone you hated died, would you laugh and spit on their grave? No, imagine the karma

58. Do you own a picture phone? What? Like a camera phone, unfortunately yes. God damn I hate my phone why do you keep reminding me :-P

59. What's your bf/gf birthday? I’m single and free, nothing to hold me down

60. What were you doing at 9 pm last night? Getting my birth chart read

61. What's your favorite Starbucks drink? I don’t really like Starbucks but if I had to choose those store bought mocha frapchinos, yum

62. Do you exercise as much as you should? Haha, fuck that… I’m lazy

63. Would you give your bf/gf a second chance if they cheated on? Don’t care, not looking for anyone now…

SOME STRANGE QUESTIONS:(apparently)

Something purple within 5 feet of you: Request off slips for work

The sexiest item of clothing you own: Its too hard to choose

Your nails were last painted: I painted my toe nails like 2 months ago cause I was bored…

The weirdest thing you've ever heated in the microwave: I don’t think anything but I’m sure Amber would say Bastimi Rice cause it smells, haha.

How much Japanese do you know? None

Do you look good in yellow? Yellow is my 3rd chakra

Do you sing? All the time

Ever danced naked in front of a crowd? I hope not

Is your hair long enough to chew on? Yep, that’s always fun

Least favorite colour? Gray

Ever played an instrument? Omg yes and I didn’t like it, French horn and piano

Do you believe in Big Foot? Don’t care

Ever been to a palm reader: Does Amber count

Last Pez dispenser you purchased? I don’t think I’ve ever bought one

Have you had sex in your current car? Ew no

Did you have a good weekend? It is the weekend and I’m being lazy and enjoying it

Will anyone reply to this? Tu madre? I don’t give a shit

Current yearning: To see my future

Last dessert you had: Omg I’m such a cookie monster lately and brownies and etc…

Have you ever had a black eye? No

How is today going for you? I’m lazy

Any plans for tonight? Continue being lazy

Ever photograph something that was dead? No. Who does that

Ever given someone a Full-Body oil massage? no

Do you find Smurfette sexy? What with people finding cartoons sexy, disturbing

Current disappointment: Not knowing whats going on in my life, feeling lost and confused, changes

Tue, 15 Nov 2005 03:20:05 GMT

[stella] hello honey
Seraph> slow room tonight, how are you lovely?
[stella] how are you and your great orange blob?
[stella] I am fine
Seraph> haha i am great, and i only saw that last night :-)
Seraph> it hard to describe things like that. heh
Seraph> how was your day good i hope?
[stella] was a good and wondereous thing I swear
Seraph> it was very soothing
Seraph> you are really wise, i admire you
[stella] I'm just awed
Seraph> why are you awed?
[stella] I love you too
[stella] because
Seraph> aw thanks
[stella] and I will cry
Seraph> good tears i hope?
[stella] I have waited lifetimes for this moment in time
Seraph> why?
[stella] and yes tears of joy

NO response, ahhhhhhhhhhhh… what does it mean I have waited lifetimes for this moment in time…. Ahhhhhhhhh

So impatient and need to know… must must learn patience….

Wed, 09 Nov 2005 13:33:36 GMT

Oh thats right BITCH, i am fucking done with my lame ass paper. After staying up all night I finally finished and i still have an hour left to go. woot, my paper is probably the most horrible thing you will have ever read, but oh well.

Nap time now mommy?

Tue, 08 Nov 2005 14:09:02 GMT

What Icons are for you?(Thank you for #1!! Please check out my other Memes!!) by ladyallie
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I found what i was looking for!!!

Tue, 08 Nov 2005 01:12:57 GMT

Energetic and Physical Symptoms of the 11:11:11 Stargate
Physical exhaustion and the need to sleep very long hours. This is because the Physical and Emotional bodies are aligning with the higher vibrations of the Spiritual bodies to facilitate the complete alignment of Higher and Lower Aspects.

Emotional Stress and the ending of relationships. Everything that is not in integrity will end. Some endings may include hostility as repressed angers come to the surface.

Depression and sadness. A feeling of being unable to cope or of failing. Do not worry. This is meant to be and your Higher Aspect is guiding the alignment process. It is not a test and there is nothing to pass or fail. If you are experiencing these symptoms of the alignment, then you have succeeded in this next step of the Ascension process.

An increase in the apparent chaos of life. As you become more centered within the peace and stillness of your Soul and Divine Essence in the alignment process, the outer world will appear even more chaotic and frenetic. Do not allow this to pull you out of balance. Stay within your calm and peace at this wonderful time.

Feelings of Emptiness and Loneliness and becoming Tearful. This is part of the complete surrender to the Higher Aspect. You have released the hold of the Lower Ego self and surrendered to the guidance of the Higher. This process of alignment represents a "no space" or "void" in which the Ego Self may feel very alone and lost. Do not allow this to overwhelm you. Just know it will pass and you will move forward into the full realization of your potential as a Human Angel.

Deep feelings of Peace and Gratitude as the Alignment is completed and you move into the full experience of the 11:11:11 portal. As you wake up to the Inner Changes you will celebrate the intense power that you will feel as the Higher and Lower Aspects lock together and the flow of Crystal Energy and Higher Awareness moves through your bodies and into the Planet's crystal Grid System. You will begin to feel a sense of complete Harmony between yourself and the Planet as your Ninth Dimensional energies activate fully into the Crystal Grid System. It is time to celebrate!

Important dates in November...and towards the 12:12:13 Stargate in December
In November the Sun is in Scorpio, and moves into Sagittarius on the 22nd of November. The New Moon is on the 2nd of November, and the Full Moon on the 16th.
Mercury moves into Retrograde on the 14th of November through the 3rd of December, and this will intensify the difficulties and chaos of the changes being experienced. The retrograde will be in Scorpio and Sagittarius, and it will affect relationships and facilitate spiritual breakthrough and awakening. Many who are not yet on the path of Conscious Ascension will begin through process at this time, and another wave will commence.

This heightened and powerful energy will surge towards the 12:12:13 Stargate on the 12th of December and will culminates at the Solstice on the 22nd of December. In December Pluto moves into conjunction with the Galactic Center or Great Central Sun. The Sun itself joins the conjunction between the 15th and 17th December. The Energies for Transformation will radiate out from the Great Central Sun and be amplified through Pluto and the Sun. At this time, dearest Lightworkers, those of you who have completed your Alignments will shine like the Sun itself. You will be Radiant Stars of Light. People around you will sense and feel the Light that radiates out from you. You will be the Golden of Radiant Ones. You will form a network of Light and Hope and you will transform the Planet.

This is indeed a blessed time and a wonderful time. We watch with great joy as you wonderful Human Angels take your first steps into this Radiant Reality of Light.

As you pass through this Transformation, we ask you to remain centered and peaceful and keep your trust. Keep your balance. You have worked hard to achieve this balance as individuals. Now is the time to hold your balance as a Group and let the Planet see your Radiant Light!

Turning 21

Mon, 07 Nov 2005 23:51:28 GMT

They tell me something important happens when you turn 21 and thats why i keep seeing the number 11 but they won't tell me anything else, they say i need to find it out on my own.

Oh oh oh, Amber knew what i was talking about and then just dropped me for free food, jesh. i don't blame her but i am impatient and need to know.... ahhhhhhhhhhhh and i have yet to start my paper.

Lots of tears spilt on the floor/ The words just don't come out write...

Mon, 07 Nov 2005 04:47:06 GMT

So i "thought" Kelly was going to get hit by a drunk drive. Instead it wasn't her, it was her roomate Mindy, and it wasn't Mindy but her Uncle. They tell me I'm receptive...

Sun, 06 Nov 2005 04:35:13 GMT

We have all been conditioned to believe that emotional expression denotes weakness and is “negative”. In fact, emotional expression is our strength, our own self-healing mechanism, our only means of freedom, and the ultimate tool of creativity